BestGuessistan is hiring
Official Call for Applications
Attention, Esteemed Citizens, BG Superfans, BG-Curious, and Prospective Bureaucrats:
The Grand Machinery of BestGuessistan’s Governance has entered a crucial expansion phase. As visitor needs evolve (or, more accurately, unravel), new departments are hatching faster than we can name them.
Some of our most esteemed ministers have taken sabbaticals to the Out Islands (or permanent relocations — details remain classified), and emergent divisions demand swift staffing. Your expertise in navigating bureaucratic ambiguity, managing existential flux, and leading metaphor development is urgently required.
We seek committed officials ready to enforce the protocols of survival, reinvention, and occasional mild chaos.
Current Vacancies
Ministry of Emotional Logistics & Adjacent Divisions
Chief Coordinator of Unscheduled Disruptions
Stay calm while chaos erupts. Hand out “You’re OK. Really.” stickers like candy. Deploy worry beads during crisis moments (they don’t work — that’s the point). Must maintain a bureaucrat’s poker face and excel at soothing clichés.
Director of Soft Deadline Enforcement
Oversee timelines made of smoke and suggestion. Send “Try Again Tomorrow” memos with gentle authority. Distribute dice to select new due dates. Urgency optional. Stress mandatory. Deadlines? Just suggestions, sweetie.
Minister of Compassionate Metrics & Retired Yardsticks
Curate the museum of abandoned KPIs (“Inbox Zero,” “Daily Output”). Invent new metrics like “Seconds Survived Without Freakout.” Celebrate ambiguous progress. Etch A Sketch provided.
Ambassador of the Department of Lost & Possibly Found
Track missing socks, lost hopes, and the thing you just had. Lead paperwork ceremonies with ambiguous apologies. Doublespeak and emotional detachment required. Bonus points for Slinky stewardship.
Lead Navigator, Bureau of Perpetual Maybe
Guide citizens through policies like “It Depends” and “We’ll See.” Maintain a purposely vague existential map. Distribute “Maybe” stamps and Magic 8 Balls. Comfort with authoritative uncertainty required.
Applications Accepted Via:
Interpretive dance in the Ministry foyer (video submissions welcome)
Coded messages in coffee stains
Carrier pigeons equipped with GPS (pigeon snacks provided)
Semaphore reenactments of Jane Eyre
Didn’t see your dream department? Propose one. Legacy and stability are overrated anyway.
Benefits Include:
Limitless job security (if desired)
Unionized benefits (obviously)
Growth opportunities (optional)
Free movement across the Archipelago of Uncertainty
No Return-to-Office policy — work wherever, whenever (or whenever you can)
No profit sharing — we’re not a profit system, we’re a survival system
Full access to all ministries, islands, and existential loopholes
Continuous learning encouraged, but unlearning is our core value
Time, hours, and expectations are fully flexible — this is BGH
Feel free to post your appointment on LinkedIn. Enjoy one of those rare-but-actually-common announcements about your new role. Or visit HazyDoor (definitely not affiliated with Glassdoor) for a sneak peek into what working at BestGuessistan is really like.
You already work here. We’re just making it official.
More from the Ministries coming soon. Subscribe to stay employed.